Monday, April 23, 2012

Real life, real talk. Give me your baby.

So I normally try to do some light hearted posts in between long rambling blogs but getting back into the swing of things I am pushing myself to share more aspects of myself rather then just what I'm wearing or baking. 

Jim and I have been discussing the thought of having children for about a year now. I was always one of those people that didn't want children. I have a difficult relationship with my mom and I don't talk to my Dad. I have this horrible fear that I will end up like my mother and for that reason I avoided the thought of having children. Within the last year I reevaluated my thoughts on this and realized that I can use my bad experiences as lessons when it comes to how to raise a child and I think that Jim and I both have a willingness to love and nurture.

Jim and I can not have children together. I'm not even sure I can have kids. I've had lady issues for years and Jim is not able to at all. I'm ok with that and while I think the experience of being pregnant would be exciting, I wouldn't be devastated if I missed out on it. I think that going through a donor and me having a baby would be easier and less costly, but if I am not able to, we would be happy to adopt. I also feel that if we desire to have more then one child that if I was able to get pregnant, I would only do it once and then we would adopt after that. 

I've been doing some research about adoption and here is what I've come up with. If we want the experience of raising a child from birth, then we need to be rich. Looking online they tell you that doing and independent adoption is less costly, but with that the mother chooses you and reading more into that, the mother's choice is usually with someone who has money because they want to know that their baby will have more then they would be able to give them. Now we aren't rich, nor do I think we ever will be. We sometimes struggle and sometimes we don't. We have never gone without and I know that if we had a child, we would do everything to make sure they were cared for and then some. In no means are "Well Off" though and that's what concerns me. Adopting from the state is more affordable, but children in state programs are usually older. We have been looking at children ages 4 and under. I personally want all of those toddler memories and all the late nights of feedings and bonding. 

We thought about fostering children, I know that I would be devastated if a child I grew an attachment to went back to a home that wasn't fit for them. We live in a town that is highly effected by meth  and I would be heart broken if some child get taken away from our loving, safe, and nurturing home and went back to their tweaker mother/father. For that reason we avoided perusing that route. 

At this point we aren't sure what to do. We were talking to another couple in a similar situation that said that they get mad that they can't have a "mistake". We joked that they should give babies out, like people do outside Wal-Mart with free puppies! I know what they mean though and honestly I've thought that way too. There are people that have unplanned children and we just want to opportunity to one in general.  So many people have children for wrong reasons, I've heard women say that they just had another kid so they could have more welfare money or food stamps. It hurts to see people that should not pro-create, popping out kids left and right, especially when you want one so badly. I know that we could give a child a great life, we want to raise our child to have an open mind and to make smart decisions. We want to give a child the opportunity to do things we never got to, like playing sports, going to amusement parks, taking trips and going to lake or park. I never go that and I would love to provide that for another living being. I don't need a million dollars to do that.We are so open minded and  our willingness and wantingness to share that and create that in another human being is a crazy idea to me, but it's totally true. I know Jim feels the same and it's amazing to see him with Mr. Cameron. I know he will be a great father someday and I hope that someone will be willing to take a chance on us, even though we aren't millionaires! 

Thanks everyone for letting me vent a little. I feel better that I have gotten this out. If anyone has some advice for me, please send me a message we both would like to hear what y'all have to say!

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Welcome back me!

Hey Everyone. Life has been insane! It's been good and bad, and everything in between. Since I've been gone I've gotten a few more followers (thank you!) and doubled the amount of views. I remember one of my lasts posts was talking about how I hit 1000 views and a week or so ago I hit 2000. It took 6 months to get to 1000 and only another month to get to another 1000. It amazes me still that anyone actually looks at my little slice! I know it's Sunday, which usually means Vlog day, but my camera is dead and I just wanted to get something up for ya'll!  My birthday week vacation turned into a month of no blogging and while it was nice not to have to plan things and worry about making sure that I took enough pictures, I totally missed it and couldn't wait to pick up were I left off. So much has been going on that painting my nails and wearing makeup hasn't been the first priority. 
     My Birthday was awesome. I love going back to Sacramento to visit and I have a great time. Turning 27 wasn't anything crazy, but we did alot of fun stuff including, I bought my first Luchador mask! I'm pretty scary now, so don't mess with me!!
    I've been doing a lot stuff for Oh SweetHenry. I've been a cutting, beading, gluing machine! We now have the Etsy store as well as we are selling in a couple shops locally. I've been working hard on creating a brand for Oh SweetHenry. I want there to be a cohesive look when you buy something from us that it's packaged properly and has a signature style. 
 A couple of weeks ago the pipes in our house backed up due to tree roots in the pipe. We had to dig up the driveway and replace the pipes. It was a week long process that wasn't pretty. Thanks to our great friends who lent us their restrooms and laundry facilities! We also had some amazing friends helping us dig and repair, that was a huge help. 
     I enrolled in school to start classes in the fall. The community college were I live offers a program called :Baking for entrapanurs , which is exactly what I need! Perfect!
     I'm helping a friend out who is in hair school. I'm going to be a hair model for her first fashion show! I'm excited and a little nervous. I don't want to fall on my face!
 Tiny Mr. Cameron came home last week. (If you missed that post, my closed friend in Sonora had a baby 2 months early). He is doing great and is up to 4 pounds now! Last week was the baby shower, so a few of us went to set up early and make sure everything ran smoothly. Cameron came home Monday Jim and I have been over there a couple times this week. We made them dinner one night and Emily called the other day and asked if I would come over so she could take a shower! Her husband is out of town for a couple days (always perfect timing!) so I'm on call right now! 
     The huge news that I waited to tell you guys is that I have been hired by the Girl Scouts to work at a summer camp this summer. I'm going to be a lead councilor (supervisor) of arts and crafts. When I got the job offer I was amazed that I get to play with kids, craft and I GET PAID for it!!!!! I'm going to write a whole post about camp stuff so I won't go on much further about it now. 
P.S. These are pictures from my instagram, which you can follow me using the name Elocininabox

I just wanted to update everyone on what's been going on with me and why I've been M.I.A.  I'm excited to be back and I have lots planned! Thanks for sticking around and being patient. I luv you all!